16.5'10.mix breed. "easily hurt but not easily broken."

they matter to me.

Edrianne
Johna
Jessica
Christian
Monique
Mercedes
Samantha
Andres
Solo

July 2009
August 2009
January 2010

Skinny.Alkaline(:
♠ ♠

2010....Really? Already?I can actually remember being in the year '06 talking about this. But what scares me more is I can remember being 6 y/o and counting down in 1999 -->2000. Has it really been a decade? A decade since i was in gr.1? A decade since I met most of my best friends in holy child? A decade since it was my beloved 90's? Sooo....why does it feel like just yesterday? Just yesterday since it was the 90's, just yesterday since I was in grade 1, just yesterday I was 6 y/o?I guess this means I am blessed with not only an amazing and indescribable detailed memory segment in my brain, but I guess I am also blessed to be in relation with fascinating people who keep my memory fresh with exciting detail.
2009 was a very very complicated year....Where as friends are involved it was more than amazing. I think all aspects of my friendships have grown and reached a next level many people never reach. From Edrianne, to Raquel, to Shaneka, and Christina. Wow many more wifeys to discuss but these four were extra special this year. Edrianne of course being my other half, when shes pissed off im happy, when im pissed off shes happy! LMAOO we end up cheering the other one up!! Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy the things we do together the missions we pull, the missions we think were gonna pull, the ideas we have for this lame world<----the shit were gonna change. And my sweetest Raquel...why so angry?? LMAOO I love you man, never been so close to you before. This was the summer man, reaching your house after school just mossin in your basement with edrianne :),reaching your house after work complaing about the creepy guys on the bus:) Land w/ Shaneka(you broke my drop zone virginity!!....NEVER AGAIN!), just every single joke with your big forehead has boosted my life experience....DEM ONES!!!! Shaneka im going to write about you, even though you have no idea what a blogspot is! I love you, you were actually the first friend I ever had...literally the first and the best. Gr.1 miss.june's clas....0-0 ohh man. The shit we did to people is priceless and I'll never forget. From gr.1 till gr.6 you were my undeniable sister and you still are today even though we both suck as bestfriends. We never call, we hardly chill, shit happens and we dont share our stories....but I dont care because when we are together I feel young again, and I feel as if my childhood will never end. I can also read your mind so thats a plus! TINNAAA! Well you walked into my life in gr.5. I remember thinking oh great another white girl in holy child. Man oh Man was I wrong! Your fucking black and I love every second I train you to be a BOD gyal. After gr.5 I hated you because I thought you had turned into a dumb slut, and in gr.8 you kinda gained my respect a little bit just because your really really smart. Gr.9 you kinda ruined science for me, just because I could never focus on doing my work because you nickie,nancy,jess,and micheal were badasses. Gr.10 just the LIVEST FUCKING GYM CLASS OF LIFE!!!!!Talking back to the teacher, hiding in the changeroom, climbing the BIG BLUE curtain, climbing the bleachers, talking shit, creating girls club, the nasty trampoline in the forest and everything else about that class made me love you to peices. Even this summer when I felt the greatest pain ever, you were the only one who never EVERYTHING...I MEAN EVERYTHING that jerk did to me, AND I LOVE YOU FOR THAT!!!

I've said it before and I'll say it again as my Facebook status reads..:
HAPPY 2010*...a new year isnt going to change all these crooked ppl whom keep making these bogous resolutions. If you have the will to change now what stopped you before??....I dont make resolutions. I am what I am, I build stronger relationships.....FAM/GOD♥

Love is Fustrating PT.2

For almost three years, I was your ride or die. You needed help I was there, even when you did me wrong I was there…like an idiot. A person whom was incapable of thinking without your assistance. The joke of the situation is everything I easier said than done. You played me time and time again and I never stopped to think if I brought this on myself. Never, not once only saw you as the bully and myself as the victim. Maybe it was from the first time you committed adultery. An affair with a stranger, you never stopped to think about how I would react how I would feel about the betrayal. I use this as Armour every time people want to contradict me as a controlling revengeful bitch. Was I wrong to do this? Or was it just natural self-defense?

Here it goes:
For ages I’ve heard writing will release your inner tension. I don’t think anyone understands the 600-pound of thick ass pressure on my heart. Its funny how I say I don’t think anyone, but how the fuck would I know? That’s my point no one knows. Bringing back the topic, that no one knows what kind of hell I’ve been through and back. If u don’t feel like reading about a 16 y/o broken heart den stop reading. Back to the point of this post. Its something that’s been on my chest for months and damn I’m ready to talk. Its sad I can’t even say these things to my friends without feeling ashamed. Fucked up?? I KNOW!

Young.
That’s exactly what it was.
Day one we took it lightly, never thought it was anything more than a schoolyard crush.
Silly.
The funniest jokes we made.
I always felt opened and free with you.
Surprising? Maybe not to others, but to me it was a big step. Growing up in a household of domestic violence I never open automatically, there was something about ur smile.
It made me feel safe.
Immature.
I know I was quick to say yes to everything, mainly because I was young and having fun.
I don’t regret ANYTHING, but I wonder if I started a hurtful trend?
Did I bring this ending result upon myself??
FAST.
Everything about “us” was fast, our feelings, our decisions, and our damn hormones.
It wasn’t slow and steady as my young mind would imagine, but it felt nice the rush, pushed me further into your atmosphere.
COMPLICATED.
Slowly I found you were as picture perfect as the eye led me to believe.
When did I realize?
Maybe the time, I ruined my name, yea that time.
An embarrassment to my family, to my mother’s hard work,
An embarrassment to myself, I ruined and disobeyed my morels and my god…but why?
FOR YOU.
I don’t think you understood then, or understand now,
It was all for you, every year, day, hour, and minute that passed.
It was all for you.
I thought I made that crystal, the day I broke it down.
The day, I told my mother I don’t care what you think is right,
I know what is right.
On a regular basis, I wouldn’t have the fuckin’ nerve to think about a statement like that.
On that particular evening the power of “LOVE”, ran through me.
I told her, my queen, my hero, my mother
I didn’t care what she thought because I had you.
…..
…………..
………………….
WTF???
Yes, yes, I know, u hypnotized me.
Curse a male’s conniving power to over through your right mind.

Labels: LOVE TRICKED ME PT.1

my dear friend raquel (also known as quelz and mayb later referred to as ballerina due to her talented training), is departing for a vacation in our land of roots : 'JAMAICA MON' :)
i'll miss her soo, ballerina,edri and i had an old fashion board game sleepover. *SIGH*
the result of 3 best friends, 5 boards games, lots of FOOD, and a new release DVD =
heavennnnn :)
i luv my girlies they bring joy to my pain, seriously everytime i feel down they pick me up. they find a way to burn all the pain in my heart and mind, and find a way to heal new skin to my wounds.
i love you guys dearly
only from me you'll receive:
...<3 a certain kind of love.

ahahahahahhaa. i have a blogspot woot woot ! xD